Wisdom & Mastery
TIPS FOR "DARK NIGHT" JOURNEYERS (AND THOSE IN THEIR LIVES)

I cannot and do not claim to be an expert in this subject. I can't provide advice or counsel to you if you're going through a "dark night of the soul", or if someone you know and love is.

But I can share that which was significant for me, in terms of practices or resources that in some way served as lanterns or guides during my journey. If they feel right for you, experiment with them. And if you feel the need for professional support, don't hesitate to seek it out.

If you're experiencing a "dark night", consider the following:

• Get a physical checkup with your physician to ensure that you don't have a hormonal or biochemical imbalance or an illness which requires medical treatment;

• Try to find a physician who is open to or specializes in integrated medicine, who combines the best of Western healthcare with the best of Eastern and alternative care;

• Consider taking an "integrated wellness" approach, including alternative healers in your health and wellness repertoire to the extent possible, such as massage therapists, acupuncture, Eastern Medicine, energy healing, etc. If you have questions or doubts about the credibility and validity of integrated or alternative options, visit the California Pacific Medical Center's web site, and seek referrals from people you trust;

• If you feel called to, seek out a psychotherapist who is familiar and experienced with issues of spiritual emergence, dark night of the soul, and similar experiences. A Jungian or transpersonal psychologist may be the best match;

• Explore information and resources related to mind-body-spirit wellness, mindful nutrition, and other things that will support your overall wholeness and wellness;

• Accept that sometimes "doing nothing" is exactly the best thing to do. Downshift. Remember that "for everything there is a season." Relax, surrender, have patience with the "not knowing" element of the journey. See it as a time of incubation, initiation, fallowness, hibernation … like a seed or bulb under the dark soil of winter, waiting for the right time, strength, and impulse to push up through the soil into Spring;

• Build a support network - this can be difficult in the dark night, when your impulse is to burrow and hibernate. The two impulses can complement one another;

• Focus on your own wellness, balance, and development — learn to say "yes" to what appeals to and nurtures you, and "no" to those things that affect you negatively;

• Be protective of yourself and any budding visions, insights and ideas. It can feel so miraculous to receive these after seemingly silent times, but share only with people whom you know will be supportive and sensitive. Consider these "buds" very fragile and tender, and in need of your protection;

• Understand the importance of spiritual and relaxation practices, and create a menu of practices that work for you and from which you can draw every day;

• Read uplifting books and magazines, watch uplifting movies — the "human spirit prevails" themes;

• Be gentle and compassionate with yourself; this is the start and source of true compassion for all else.

If someone you know is experiencing a "dark night"

• Don’t go "AWOL"

• Stay in touch — offer to listen, drop kind notes in the mail, send kind emails, share the things you love and admire about the person, ask them to lunch or tea, ask if there's anything you can do to be supportive, and just listen and offer your loving presence and kindness.

• Make an effort to be compassionate and sensitive — heightened sensitivities of someone in the "dark night" make curt comments or other insensitive behaviors seem even more so; harsh comments or body language can make a "dark night" journeyer feel as if they're getting shot at with broken glass — which hurts.

• Listen to and encourage budding insights and ideas — when the lights start to flicker on, and the person shares emerging insights, don't criticize or "edit" them, and don't immediately list the 100 people you know who are doing the same thing. These "buds" are very fragile, so it's incredibly helpful to simply listen, ask questions, look for ways you can affirm rather than deny, minimize or dismiss.

• Understand that everyone is different — it may be difficult for the person to know what would be helpful, or even for a time seem accepting of your offers of support, but it's still helpful to know that people are there and care

• Increase your knowledge about "dark night" or, if appropriate, depression, so that you have a better understanding of what your friend or loved one is going through.

• Be patient. Another's "dark night" journey is often a solo trip, and one with a "map" and schedule all its own. But it's a journey that can be made easier by the reassurance that others are there, patiently waiting, not judging, for the transformation time to complete itself.

Other experienced and wisened journeyers can no doubt offer additional suggestions. Wishing you wisdom, and wishing you well.

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