The concept of intention is intense if taken to mean that you are moved to act and genuinely focused on the intended action. You can build understanding, diffuse a tense situation, create bridges between differing viewpoints and stay focused on a goal with the use of intention. However, a person can also use intention as a mask for a true perception or as an excuse. Take this example:

Situation: As she’s waving her finger at you, a meeting participant says in a raised voice, "I just want to solve the problem we’re discussing." Clearly, there’s a mismatch between what she said and how she acted, giving the impression that she’s adopted a communication tool but doesn’t know how to apply it, or she’s hiding a true feeling such as, "When will you listen to me?" behind a more socially acceptable phrase.

Suggestion #1: When speaking from or referring to an intention — "My intention is to..." — be honest about your rationale for speaking before vocalizing to others. Unveiling your rationale is actually tapping your authentic intention. You might be surprised at the difference in meaning, and you’ll communicate more clearly and honestly, and thus, effectively. So instead of making a string of argumentative statements at a meeting because you're not feeling heard and you feel your point is important, you might simply state: "It's important for me to know I've been heard on this, because my intention is to avoid a problem like the one we had on the last project when we went this route. Does everyone understand why I'm saying (fill in your point) here?" Then open yourself to hearing others' perspectives about why this situation might be different. Don't let your opinion block your ability to accept valid information to the contrary.

When you use intentions as an excuse, you can whittle away at your integrity if you consistently neglect to follow through with supporting activity. For example, for the past year you’ve repeatedly stated your intention to improve your time management skills, and yet you’re late to most meetings, miss deadlines and chronically reschedule or miss appointments. Or if you say you regularly intend on getting to meetings on time but don't, be honest. If you intended to be on time, you'd be on time.

Suggestion #2: Don’t earmark anything as an intention unless you’ll write it down and commit to achieving it. Instead, give people the real reason behind the excuse and then take some sort of action (including discovering why you aren’t acting). You’ll build others’ confidence in your abilities and strengthen your relationships. In the example above, it'd be a lot more honest, and perhaps more credible, if you took responsibility and said, "I want to be on time, but I keep getting bogged down. Does anyone have any time management suggestions I could try so I can get all of these things done in the morning and make it to these meetings on time?" Yes, you'll be letting the horrible secret out of the bag: You're human and working on something you're not good at!

The topic of intention is enormous! Entire associations, organizations, journals and books are based on intention. Our intention with this content is to get you thinking about how you're using the concept as a communication technique, and how mindful intention can result in better communication. Here's another practical situation and immediately-applicable tip:

Practical Tip

Situation—Are you actually giving your intention any attention?
You’ve proclaimed your intention to do X. And yet, if you could reliably measure the attention you’ve given to X, you’d get a low reading on the meter. Why do we intend but don’t attend?

Suggestion—Examine what’s beneath your intention
Something — whether fear, the desire to please someone else or carelessness — is preventing you from giving attention to your intention. Your inattention is most likely causing you stress or worry or anxiety, which enhances any adverse feelings you have toward the intention. (Ugh. These things usually form nasty circles!)

To alleviate this stress and funnel your gifts toward intentions you will give attention to, examine what’s beneath your intention to get to the root of the problem. How?

• Honestly question why you are avoiding X.
• Revisit the time and circumstances that led to your intending to do X.
• Consider the best, middle and worst-case scenarios that would result from your attending to X.
• Discover where your intention falls in a list of personal and professional priorities.
• Plot out and act on changes you need to make to either give attention to X, or get it off of your mental plate.

Do you intend one thing, but do another?