Wisdom and Mastery Monthly Tips Archive
YOU INTEND ONE THING, BUT DO ANOTHER

Think you're lucky you don't have cartoon balloons over your head, giving away what you're thinking? Well, in a way you do. Body language, facial expression and voice tone often give you away when what you say isn't what's really on your mind. You may not wear your heart on your sleeve, but you do wear it on your face! The result? You say one thing, but the person to whom you're speaking hears or perceives something else.

For example, let's say you're in a meeting and are asked to take on a project that you, inside, don't feel confident about or committed to. When asked if you have any questions, you might say, "No, that sounds great," thinking you'll figure it out later. Unfortunately, your body language and voice tone give your lack of confidence away, causing others to doubt your ability to handle the project.

In another example, you might be irritated or concerned about something, but don't say a word, or even say, "That's okay." But crossed arms, a facial expression such as slightly pursed lips, a furrowed brow or a flat look tell the other person you're not fine with it at all. If you're a passive aggressive person, you might say, "Fine" and then actually sabotage the project through inaction or gossip. The result? Tension and the opportunity for additional miscommunication, just because you weren't truthful.

Tip— Align thought, intention, speech
Many people choose unskillful communication tactics, like the ones included above, because they're unsure how to deal with possible conflicting opinions, anger, disappointment or vulnerability — both their own and others'. Still, when we're dishonest, even when meaning well, we often increase the damage done. So find a skillful way to be honest, such as "I'm a little concerned about this, so may need to hear a little bit more," or "I can feel that I'm reacting a little bit to what you've said; let me learn more about what's most important to you about this subject."

By increasing your communication "tool box", you'll find it easier to be honest and enjoy the feeling and results of your increased skillfulness. For more tools, start with this additional tip on paying attention to your intention:

This material is protected by copyright, and is offered as food-for-thought rather than customized counsel. As always, the most effective strategy is one that's specifically tailored to your unique organizational culture, group personality, and individual needs. Have questions? We welcome your email inquiry.

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