Ivy Sea Online: Great Worth - Opening to the unique value of others

What would happen if we actually valued the unique gifts of other people, rather than assume that someone is only 'worth something' if they meet a very narrow, very select group of criteria? What if we actually assumed that everyone had unique worth, and thus unique value, and we actually sought to learn what that gift, worth, or value was?

If you reflect on this, and then watch and listen to what you see and hear around you — including your own thoughts and statements — you would probably have to conclude that most people, and perhaps you yourself, tend to devalue rather than value, needing others to 'prove' their value or worth.

In The Art of Spiritual Leadership, William C. Miller shares a story about a student from Thailand who was in graduate school with Miller here in the United States. After a couple of months, the Thai woman shared an observation: that her fellow students were always striving to achieve various goals, but ultimately never felt they'd 'arrived'. They felt, she said, as if they were worth nothing until, and unless, they'd proven it by achieving certain status positions or symbols.

This was somewhat foreign to her, because in her culture, everyone had inherent value simply by being born. Each being was worthwhile; it didn't need to be proven. It didn't take a Ph.D., a millionaire status, or a CEO title to be considered valuable; though such accomplishments might certainly be admired, they didn't define one's worth.

I've seen it, experienced it, and done it myself. Assumed value here, and no value there. Valued some people and things, devalued or not valued others. And I've often, when open to it, found a delightful and surprising value and great worth in places and people that I may not have previously thought to find it.

Our individual and collective assumptions and judgments about whether someone is worthwhile, or of value — which are usually based on material or monetary status or accumulation — affect how we think about and treat others. And if we devalue other people, or over-value certain people because of superficial labels, we very often devalue ourselves, Nature, animals, etc. A sense of valuing others, appreciating unique gifts and purposes, is an inside-out proposition, it seems; something we cultivate and then express outwardly.

Without a true appreciation that each person (each being) is somehow valuable and unique, and thus precious, we fall into patterns of treating certain people (or animals, or Nature) as being more or less valuable than others. We highly value some, and devalue much. When we devalue, we may withdraw compassion, respectfulness, patience, curiosity, and kindness. We may assume negatively rather than inquire affirmatively.

We may adopt positions of trying to change others 'for their own good', offering unsolicited advice about what they 'should do', because we've not stopped to consider that they have a value and gift, a uniqueness, all their own that we've neither sought nor seen. Perhaps we need to shore up our own sense of value and worth by 'remaking others in our own image,' so that if they agree and reflect what we believe, we can feel ourselves more valuable. We distance ourselves by not valuing, and with that distance comes a greater likelihood for harshness, and sometimes even cruelty.

When we decide to look with new eyes, and hear with new ears, from a position of assuming that each person, each being, is valuable, we can see, hear, and learn more about the many ways in which they are unique; their gifts; their stories; and the way they enrich us, our organizations, our communities, and our world. Or the ways in which they (or we) could enrich others, if the other was looking for, listening for, seeing and hearing the inherent value. That doesn't mean that we don't make conscious choices about whom we spend our time with, or when others are or are not a match for us at that time; we just don't rotely dismiss someone out of unexamined beliefs or unconscious prejudices, and we don't devalue them simply because our paths are not aligned at that moment in time.

It's a practice, learning to have a greater appreciation for the value and worth inherent in 'other'. So many cultural messages support quite a different assumption — an assumption that one is valuable or worth something on if they achieve some ever-changing standard. Re-learning a more nuanced and mature sense of appreciating unseen, unanticipated, unassumed value requires clear intention and practice. But what riches are available when we choose to appreciate, and seek (and thus find) all that is truly valuable in others!

We learn that each person has a unique purpose, gifts, and story, and we appreciate them more. We appreciate that there are many 'ways of knowing' and pathways of learning or becoming 'educated', and we appreciate them more. We learn that there are many ways of working, expressing, and contributing, and we learn to appreciate them more.

We learn that our houseplants clean the toxins from the air and thus help us stay healthier, so we appreciate them more. We learn that many people who perform valuable services in our society aren't always the ones considered to have high 'net worth', so we see value more truly and appreciate them more. We learn that animals have a finer intelligence than we might have previously understood, and can literally save lives if we value their gifts; in doing so, we appreciate them more.

What we value, we appreciate; what we appreciate, we treat in a certain way ... we honor with our thoughts, words, and actions. And in turn we are honored for our own unique gifts, our own true value. We begin to inquire affirmatively, and looking for ways to cultivate and nurture the fullest expression of each individual's unique ways of knowing, learning, expressing, working, and being of service. We begin to work and lead into shared visions and ideals, rather than 'managing conformity' to a limited set of standards.

If we care to see with wider vision, and hear with more finely attuned ears, there's so much more of value and so much more to appreciate. The world truly becomes a magical, magnificent place, with all that is in it revered.

Reflection questions and dialogue-starters:

• In what ways have you ever felt that someone under-valued, devalued, or dismissed you?

• In what ways have you seen or heard others being devalued, or considered 'less valuable'?

• In what ways have you under-valued, devalued, or dismissed others — even if unintentionally?

• In what ways have you under-valued yourself, your own unique story, gifts, and purpose?

• What opportunities are available to you to enhance the meaning and enjoyment of life by assuming and seeking the true value, the inherent uniqueness and gifts, in 'other' and in yourself?

• What does 'work' and 'business' look like when people, animals, Nature, etc. are more highly valued for their unseen gifts and/or unacknowledged or unappreciated service to us?

Want to use this "values" bundle as a vision-catalyst, values-clarifier, and dialogue-starter for your group? Purchase the Ivy Sea "Exploring 'Value'" PDF dialogue-starter bundle with this Ivy Sea articles included.